Feeling like a Failure

  So far Dorian has given my mom, Cameron, Steph and Nana huge smiles and grins since starting to smile last Saturday...but not me and I can't help but feel like a failure, like a bad mother because I have to let him cry sometimes when driving, pumping or getting dressed, while everyone else gets to be the good time charlies and hold him and cuddle him. He sees me as the bad guy because I am always there when he is crying and nobody is comforting him.
  It is seriously making me feel more and more like shit, along with fucking up at work and not having things under control, not always answering the phone to customers and then they call Cameron and he goes off on me and I just can't take it anymore. Sometimes I feel the only thing that will save me, or make my day so much better would be to see him smile at me, but nothing for me.
  And it only gets better with me feeling like shit about myself, my fat ass, fat thighs, flabby lats, flabby stomach, barely anything is going good except for the training runs but so far we haven't hit 2 miles so we will see, I will probably fail at this too. I will probably get another injury because I didn't keep up on my running through winter, I won't be able to get used to this hot weather because I am having to wear a shirt due to my flabby stomach.
  I don't know, I guess I am just exhausted and feeling extremely stressed and things are just getting over my head, this week I thought I was finally getting things under control or finding my groove with the office, with Dorian, home and my training, but today just turns it all to shit.