I honestly know why I am no hurry to get birth control, because I am in no hurry to start having sex again. I hate the way I look, I know I am unattractive and he's not wanting sex because of me which is obvious, I've lost count on all the titty and pussy movies he's been watching. I don't give a shit if we don't have sex ever again, I don't give a shit if he starts going somewhere else for it, or jerking off or whatever the fuck he feels he needs to do to relieve himself, because I am not interested.
I am sick of being insulted on a daily basis, made to feel like some sort of failure at everything: a Failure at the office, a failure at home and house cleaning, a failure at being a wife, and not to mention a failure at being a mother. I can't breastfeed, my nipples don't stick out enough so I have to pump pretty much exclusively, I can't talk baby to him out of sheer embarrassment. I just want to scream, I just want to scratch at my skin until it bleeds, I just want to get out of the house and drive until I have no idea why I am out driving.... but I can't do any of that now, I have to play strong for Dorian, I have to do my best not to show any weakness or stress which I am pretty much failing at anyways.
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