It is Wednesday, the middle of the week and things are already looking down this morning. I had found the bassist from Nonpoint on facebook, and seeing that he makes his own shirts, I thought I would comment. Mainly trying to make myself feel good because these last couple of weeks I have been feeling kind of insecure, I wasn't expecting much but at the moment thought it would feel good to talk to someone way out of my league (guy or girl) and them talk back. Cameron seen the post and is pissed at me, and I feel like complete shit now for it; I didn't mean or want this to happen but I let my stupid insecurities get in the way. This morning was going so well until now, and nothing is going to make this go away or change....... this fucking blows -
Almost 3 years ago, and things seemed like they were getting better, that I was improving and getting stronger - and now this bullshit; because I could not control myself when I saw that a musician that I have the hots for is on facebook and added me as a friend. Why the fuck can't I control that part, why can I not just look away and remind myself that even flirting can be wrong especially when it has gone wrong before? God this sucks, because everything was going so freaking good and I go and blow it like always - I am such a freaking idiot, I am more than an idiot but there is no word demoralizing and degrading to call what I am.
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