I decided last night that I would try and get out and ride my bike this morning, maybe get 10 miles in for today. I did not even think about the temperature and the fact that I don't have the proper clothing for it :(, so this morning I threw on a long sleeve running shirt and my Under Armor hoodie hoping that would be enough, and my gloves for running while wearing my capris and an old pair of running shoes and ankle socks......... boy was that stupid! I was a freaking popsicle during the whole ride and I was miserable, at least 3 times I considered turning around before I was even at 2 miles. I kept going though, I rode for 6.4 miles in 37 minutes and only burned 244 calories total (dang it). I won't be doing that again, not unless I get the proper clothing, it was 37 degrees but it felt like 32 and everything was numb. My lower legs were red and I could barely feel my toes other than ice. My splits were:
Mile 1 - 6:09
Mile 2 - 5:45
Mile 3 - 5:38
Mile 4 - 6:08
Mile 5 - 6:02
Mile 6 - 5:40
.4 Miles - 2:26
My average speed was 10 mph and I felt like a freaking popsicle.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
A Life Coming to an End
A little bit after Cameron got home tonight, while I was feeding Dorian he noticed what must be blood. My best friend is hacking up blood now, and I did some online research and Congestive Heart Failure is it word for word, for the last few months she has become exhausted, panting more and more, labored breathing, coughing and collapsing after only a few steps. I don't want to think about it, I don't want to realize the reality of what is about to happen, that I am about to lose my best friend of 13 years. It's a reality I don't want to face, I just want to find a room and cry for hours, I wish I could give her 10 years of my life. I know she had 13 1/2 great years, I just wish she could have at least 3 more. I know that this started about 6 or 7 months ago, but I just assumed it was age slowing her down rather than an actual issue. The vet had seen her twice this year and didn't notice anything serious.
Tomorrow I am going to call the vet and see if I can bring her in to be checked out, see if it is in fact what I fear.
(Continued) Unfortunately she has to see Dr. Nelson, a man she has never met before. I hate making her deal with a man to examine her...
She did well at the vet, but the news isn't good. It isn't Congestive Heart Failure, but the X-rays show cancer legions all over her lungs, with fluid inside her lungs and probably her heart. The vet is pretty positive that she has lung cancer, and after doing some research she might not make another year if even that. If she does make it through winter I know she won't last another summer if it is anything like this last summer, but I am going to try and make things as easy and comfortable as I can for her. I know Cameron and I can't be constantly cleaning up after her in the house, and Cameron will most definitely not tolerate it. I don't want to put her outside, because she doesn't want to be outside and it is going to get cold very soon, and I don't want to leave her downstairs all alone either. I guess I can only take each day as it comes, and enjoy how ever much time I have left with her.
Tomorrow I am going to call the vet and see if I can bring her in to be checked out, see if it is in fact what I fear.
(Continued) Unfortunately she has to see Dr. Nelson, a man she has never met before. I hate making her deal with a man to examine her...
She did well at the vet, but the news isn't good. It isn't Congestive Heart Failure, but the X-rays show cancer legions all over her lungs, with fluid inside her lungs and probably her heart. The vet is pretty positive that she has lung cancer, and after doing some research she might not make another year if even that. If she does make it through winter I know she won't last another summer if it is anything like this last summer, but I am going to try and make things as easy and comfortable as I can for her. I know Cameron and I can't be constantly cleaning up after her in the house, and Cameron will most definitely not tolerate it. I don't want to put her outside, because she doesn't want to be outside and it is going to get cold very soon, and I don't want to leave her downstairs all alone either. I guess I can only take each day as it comes, and enjoy how ever much time I have left with her.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Yesterday Opened My eyes
For the last week or two, I have been trying to find a way to bike with Cameron on certain days, rollerblade (with Dorian) and run on other days while not having my mom watch Dorian just about everyday. I hate doing that, though I know she doesn't really mind it but I just don't feel good about it. Yesterday, after running with Shauna Monday I tried to find a middle ground so that mom wouldn't have to come and watch Dorian again so I told Cameron to bike and I would "strollerblade". I have done it 5 times now with no issues, but yesterday wasn't like any other, there were 2 omens; one at the beginning when I realized how top heavy the stroller was with the infant carseat, I wasn't going fast but I tried to make a tight turn that would normally be easy but I had to fight to keep the stroller from toppling over. The second one was when Cameron went ahead of me to make way through a group of people and their kids, Cameron was almost past them when the little girl ran right in front of him on his bike, he just about fell over but missed her and I was so close behind him that I barely stopped within inches of the bike. I should have told myself that was enough and turned around, I had not been on that route with the stroller and inline skates, the sun was going down, and that greenway was all beat to hell unlike the one on the riverfront that I was used to. My mistakes were:
1: Choosing a new route to strollerblade, in the evening.
2: Not taking heed of the omens
3: Strollerblading with the infant carseat which makes the stroller extremely top heavy.
4: Risking my son's safety for the sake of:
- not having mom watch him 2 days in a row
- trying to have him with us on an outing
Before going down another hill at 1.5 miles, Cameron mentions to be careful so I tapped my breaks a couple time and I felt in control, I had already passed quite a few beat up, dangerous spots so I felt confident. I eyed the huge cracks right at the turn and picked out the flattest spot, but then it all went out of control in seconds. As I hit that crack, the front wheel which I did not have in the swivel locked (because I can barely turn it, let alone be going faster than 12 minutes a mile), the front wheel went sideways and could not go back in time, I felt the front start bouncing and instead of pushing 40-50 lbs I was trying to hold onto it and get it under control all while trying to keep everything on the road/greenway along the turn. I managed to slow it down enough, rip my hand out of the safety line so that I ran into the railing and I watched the stroller fall sideways, watching my little boy's face in slow motion, once the stroller stopped, he started crying, frightened. Luckily, the Baby Trend Expedition stroller and the infant carseat adapter was strong, because if the adapter hadn't been, and the carseat fell away from the stroller, my little boy could have been injured. I didn't even care about my knees, I drug/crawled to him and pulled the stroller back onto it's wheels and pulled him out of there and held him. My phone was smashed, my knees were scraped but I didn't care, all that mattered to me was my little boy.
I won't be doing that ever again, I feel horrible. In the 16-17 years of rollerblading, I have only fallen 4 times. My instincts told me each time I took him out that I was risking his safety, I wondered how much of this the stroller could handle but I told myself I would keep my speed under control and not go crazy. All the other times, I had picked a route that was new with no bumps, cracks or any kind of damage until this one. Things probably would have gone differently if he wasn't in the carseat, which made the stroller top heavy like an SUV, if he had been in the actual seat, the center of gravity would have been closer to the wheels. No more, not while he is in the carseat, If I ever take him again it won't be until after Winter and I will stick to flat surfaces and he will be wearing a helmet.
Even if I have to run in the mornings to avoid asking mom to watch him everyday, I won't take him rollerblading, I will go by myself. Things could have been so much worse, I am so thankful that they weren't, that the stroller was able to take that kind of beating while keeping my little boy tucked away. Never again.
1: Choosing a new route to strollerblade, in the evening.
2: Not taking heed of the omens
3: Strollerblading with the infant carseat which makes the stroller extremely top heavy.
4: Risking my son's safety for the sake of:
- not having mom watch him 2 days in a row
- trying to have him with us on an outing
Before going down another hill at 1.5 miles, Cameron mentions to be careful so I tapped my breaks a couple time and I felt in control, I had already passed quite a few beat up, dangerous spots so I felt confident. I eyed the huge cracks right at the turn and picked out the flattest spot, but then it all went out of control in seconds. As I hit that crack, the front wheel which I did not have in the swivel locked (because I can barely turn it, let alone be going faster than 12 minutes a mile), the front wheel went sideways and could not go back in time, I felt the front start bouncing and instead of pushing 40-50 lbs I was trying to hold onto it and get it under control all while trying to keep everything on the road/greenway along the turn. I managed to slow it down enough, rip my hand out of the safety line so that I ran into the railing and I watched the stroller fall sideways, watching my little boy's face in slow motion, once the stroller stopped, he started crying, frightened. Luckily, the Baby Trend Expedition stroller and the infant carseat adapter was strong, because if the adapter hadn't been, and the carseat fell away from the stroller, my little boy could have been injured. I didn't even care about my knees, I drug/crawled to him and pulled the stroller back onto it's wheels and pulled him out of there and held him. My phone was smashed, my knees were scraped but I didn't care, all that mattered to me was my little boy.
I won't be doing that ever again, I feel horrible. In the 16-17 years of rollerblading, I have only fallen 4 times. My instincts told me each time I took him out that I was risking his safety, I wondered how much of this the stroller could handle but I told myself I would keep my speed under control and not go crazy. All the other times, I had picked a route that was new with no bumps, cracks or any kind of damage until this one. Things probably would have gone differently if he wasn't in the carseat, which made the stroller top heavy like an SUV, if he had been in the actual seat, the center of gravity would have been closer to the wheels. No more, not while he is in the carseat, If I ever take him again it won't be until after Winter and I will stick to flat surfaces and he will be wearing a helmet.
Even if I have to run in the mornings to avoid asking mom to watch him everyday, I won't take him rollerblading, I will go by myself. Things could have been so much worse, I am so thankful that they weren't, that the stroller was able to take that kind of beating while keeping my little boy tucked away. Never again.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Ugh, the Good Will Never Outweigh the Bad
Even though the business was "saved" from really difficult times this morning by one of our best Dealers, my warm and happy feelings are never allowed to last. A week before the Evansville Half, I had registered for the Indy Monumental Half that is on my birthday (November 3), but after the Evansville Half, I contemplated that it might be a smarter idea not to try for another Half a month away........ but last week I started thinking about it again, my leg/s have been feeling much better and a run/walk split wouldn't hurt too bad. We were going to go anyways, even if I didn't run the race because I wanted to take Dorian to the zoo, but Friday Cameron suggested we cancel due to money. Today I found out the real reason why, Cameron and them decided they were going to have a rock show that night, Halloween themed. Instead of throwing it this weekend, a couple days before Halloween but still in October, they decide to throw it on my birthday, a couple of days after Halloween and in November. As usual, I am always on the back burner of everyone's thoughts and considerations, so it wouldn't have mattered if I had made my mind up to run that race because it would have been canceled anyways. I am so sick and tired of this crap, first my sister decides to have her wedding on my 20th birthday, with a man she doesn't even care for so now my birthday is also a reminder of their "lie". Now this, it could have been on Friday, heck it could have been this weekend which would make more sense BUT HECK NO as usual. I can't even complain about it, because I'll seem like the a**hole since it is the band and anyone who gets in the way of the "band" is a dirt bag.
Today has gone from decent to crap once again, and I am so ready for it to be over. I think Shauna and I are going to try for 3.5 miles tonight, I should be okay with that. I went ahead and searched for a smaller race, Shauna is itching for one and I found the Get Dirty 5k at Angel Mounds, it is on November 24th this year, they had 3 options (5k, 10k, 15k) and I went ahead and paid for the 5k option because I don't know if I am ready for a 10k trail/obstacle race yet. This will at least test our ability on obstacle courses, preparing us for the Spartan Race next April.
Today has gone from decent to crap once again, and I am so ready for it to be over. I think Shauna and I are going to try for 3.5 miles tonight, I should be okay with that. I went ahead and searched for a smaller race, Shauna is itching for one and I found the Get Dirty 5k at Angel Mounds, it is on November 24th this year, they had 3 options (5k, 10k, 15k) and I went ahead and paid for the 5k option because I don't know if I am ready for a 10k trail/obstacle race yet. This will at least test our ability on obstacle courses, preparing us for the Spartan Race next April.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Another Day, Another Tomorrow, More Goodbyes
Business has slowed down a lot, I am actually getting more and more worried each day. I want to dig a hole, crawl in it and hide. On a happier note, Dorian is doing real well, yesterday he went to his 6 month wellness check up and the doctor was pleased and stated how great he is doing. He is 2'3" and weighs 16 lbs 12 oz, he is in the 75% for his height and the 40% for his weight which I feel is good though it doesn't tell his future. I was in a very high percentile for my weight when I was a baby and although I was heavy all my life until about 2 years ago, I had to make my own life changes. Dorian will have a head start though, I will ensure that he eats healthy and smart, and that I set examples for him in the area of diet and exercise. Sadly it took me 17-18 years to figure out that I had to make the choice instead of depending on someone else.
Yesterday I went for a bike ride, my plan was 8 miles but I ended up riding 10.7 miles which is awesome though I feel like I ran 6-8 miles today lol. I did that in one hour and 4 minutes, probably the fastest I will ever do almost 11 miles ha. That was after my 2 mile run early that morning, which was still sore but not even close to a week or so ago, the bottom of my left foot is no longer in pain so that is good. I am still debating today whether I walk with my mom or rollerblade while she walks, Cameron didn't go bike riding with me yesterday because he was busy with a machine, he wants to go today but I don't want to have to ask mom to watch Dorian every single day. She keeps hinting that she would like to be able to watch him and my nephew and niece together at my sister's house BUT I don't want Dorian around those two, mainly my nephew. He has become so hateful and will scream "I hate you" or "I'm gonna kill you!", of course it is my sister and brother-in-law's fault, they should have never gotten married, let alone had kids together, they are both very selfish and there isn't any real love between them. The moment they are in a room together, you can literally cut the air with a knife, the tension is so thick and those kids are learning and growing up in that house. Even if my brother-in-law isn't there, I still don't want my son in that house around all that hate and tension, Cameron and I both agreed that we want to lay a strong foundation of love, security and trust down in his first 2 years of life before he goes around other kids other than the holidays.
I haven't talked to her about it, but hopefully she will understand and won't get too angry about it.
Yesterday I went for a bike ride, my plan was 8 miles but I ended up riding 10.7 miles which is awesome though I feel like I ran 6-8 miles today lol. I did that in one hour and 4 minutes, probably the fastest I will ever do almost 11 miles ha. That was after my 2 mile run early that morning, which was still sore but not even close to a week or so ago, the bottom of my left foot is no longer in pain so that is good. I am still debating today whether I walk with my mom or rollerblade while she walks, Cameron didn't go bike riding with me yesterday because he was busy with a machine, he wants to go today but I don't want to have to ask mom to watch Dorian every single day. She keeps hinting that she would like to be able to watch him and my nephew and niece together at my sister's house BUT I don't want Dorian around those two, mainly my nephew. He has become so hateful and will scream "I hate you" or "I'm gonna kill you!", of course it is my sister and brother-in-law's fault, they should have never gotten married, let alone had kids together, they are both very selfish and there isn't any real love between them. The moment they are in a room together, you can literally cut the air with a knife, the tension is so thick and those kids are learning and growing up in that house. Even if my brother-in-law isn't there, I still don't want my son in that house around all that hate and tension, Cameron and I both agreed that we want to lay a strong foundation of love, security and trust down in his first 2 years of life before he goes around other kids other than the holidays.
I haven't talked to her about it, but hopefully she will understand and won't get too angry about it.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Four Minutes!!
Tonight I made it to 4 minutes doing the plank position, it was tough but mainly it was hard on my arms. I think this is the first time I've made it to 4 minutes, the longest was around 3:43 or something about 2 years ago. My goal is 5 minutes but I don't know if I will make it before the end of this year, mainly due to my arms.
Dorian has been eating solids along with his breast milk for about 2 weeks now, but I think I was feeding him a bit too much too soon because last night he was pooping a lot and he seemed constipated, this morning he had small hard poop with his normal poop so I am going to back off on the solids a little.
Dorian has been eating solids along with his breast milk for about 2 weeks now, but I think I was feeding him a bit too much too soon because last night he was pooping a lot and he seemed constipated, this morning he had small hard poop with his normal poop so I am going to back off on the solids a little.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Mondays Really Suck
The morning started out well, and then we got to the shop and it went down the shitter from there. I was determined to ship out customer orders that were made over the weekend today, but Dorian had other ideas unfortunately, I mean it wasn't his fault as he is teething and I figure he is going through some gas issues. I was definitely stressed out today, along with the computer acting up and my leg still giving me trouble. I won't go into detail on another physical issue because it is a little too personal to post on here. Once I got all the packages together and ready for shipment, we came home and I have to deal with a dog that decides that she isn't hungry while the other one is a pure glutton and decides he is going to eat her food right in front of me while I am trying to console my son who bumped his head. I am about ready to kill that dog, I did not want him but Cameron just had to have him, he is a worthless animal and I cannot stand gluttony, even in animals.
I hope the rest of this week goes better, the Evansville Half is this Sunday and I am still concerned with how my leg is going to do. I want to run it and finish it, but I don't want to injure myself and miss the Indianapolis Monumental Half which is on my birthday and I've already registered for it AND I booked our hotel. Not only the race, but we are going to take Dorian to the zoo and he will get to see the Dolphins and walruses and other Seals. I feel a slight difference since getting back to my squats again, but even then I wonder if it will help.
Anyways, I will be glad when the day is over, and even more glad when sales begin to pick up at the store.
I hope the rest of this week goes better, the Evansville Half is this Sunday and I am still concerned with how my leg is going to do. I want to run it and finish it, but I don't want to injure myself and miss the Indianapolis Monumental Half which is on my birthday and I've already registered for it AND I booked our hotel. Not only the race, but we are going to take Dorian to the zoo and he will get to see the Dolphins and walruses and other Seals. I feel a slight difference since getting back to my squats again, but even then I wonder if it will help.
Anyways, I will be glad when the day is over, and even more glad when sales begin to pick up at the store.
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