Not Just Moody Hormones

     I might be pregnant and dealing with a few mood swings due to it, but I know that isn't the complete reason and that my irritation is valid with all this bullshit. Even pregnant, I am still expected to clean the fucking house by myself, along with the litter box, trash, do dishes and fix dinner and shit for everyone all while working at the shop doing various things there. I can feel myself getting ready to blow, and I have nobody to talk to because there is nobody that can help or fix any of it. 
     I cannot even go home early to clean the house and garage tonight, so I will have to stay home tomorrow morning instead of heading in with Ethan so that I can have an hour or so to clean this shit. I am sick and tired of Preston making the laundry room look like his closet just because he is too lazy to take his clothes up to his room and hang them up. I am about to start throwing all of it away and I don't care anymore.

Manic Monday/ Crazy!

    The wedding this weekend went great, I had a few minor misses but nothing major and had a lot of fun with it. My body is going through so many aches and pains right now, and it is actually annoying. Tonight's class was fun and interesting, I am finally a member of www.ivytechphotopeeps.com so that is great - except for this pain I am going through. It is 08-29 and my ultrasound is on September 8th which feels like forever right now and I am feeling extremely excited now, I do not know why but I just have this feeling that I am further along than we thought. Cameron thinks I am only around the 6 to 7 week mark, but I just got this feeling I am closer to ten weeks. Anyways, I am still in class and I cannot wait to get home because I want to sleep so badly - THANK GOD I don't have to work out in the morning since I am running in the evening. The river camp this past weekend  was great, and we are going this coming weekend and hopefully the pontoon boat will be ready because I want to get out on the water so bad before this year is up.

So Far All is Well

    So far I have been going through all the normal things, I guess. The slight cramping of the uterus stretching, the nausea and fatigue - but a lot of it has subsided so I am a little worried. I just called to "apply" for a doctor called Heather Schroeder so hopefully she will take me because I heard from a few others that she is really good.  I am nervous, still a little scared and anxious about all of this but 90% of it is the idea of losing this baby too- I do not know how I would handle it if history repeated itself again. Being almost a week since I finding out, I am getting used to the idea of waking up in the mornings knowing that I am pregnant and my life is going to change dramatically, but this child is mine and I am going to have fun raising him/her and teaching him/her the values and morals that my family has taught me. I am going to try my best to instill a bond between us that will hold up even when the child reaches adolescence which could be a HUGE challenge for me. Again, I don't have much to say but I am excited and anxious all in one so yeah things are a little hectic for me. My runs are going fine as are my work outs but it is only early in the first trimester so I can't wait to see how I feel a couple of months from now.

This Week Is Already Shit

   So this week already sucks, Cameron is pretty much blaming shit on me, and although I know a lot of it is my fault - problem is I am not getting paid. He expects me to work like a slave and give my 100% in here for nothing, while everyone else is benefiting from here - Ethan gets part of the business while getting paid weekly, Cameron gets whatever plus ownership of the company and Jared gets paid. I don't get shit unless I buy something behind his back. 
   This baby (zygote) is already being a pain in my ass, the cramping, the breast soreness and my back is sore. I am still feeling lethargic and I have a 4 mile run tonight so this should be just WONDERFUL! Oh lord why couldn't I feel like my Aunt did when she was pregnant, she actually enjoyed her pregnancies.

Morning Sickness SUCKS!!!!!

     I am only about 5 weeks into this damn thing and the morning sickness is already sucking. I really hope it doesn't last, otherwise I am going to be very miserable. I think I am hungry sometimes but I cannot think of anything to eat, and it sucks because I get dizzy when I don't eat. I am a little concerned on whether I will be able to do the Half Marathon this year, and if I don't then it could be quite a few years before I get to. I am still scared, for the last 23 years I have had my time to myself and not having to worry about anyone or thing else - now I have a child coming and everything is going to change. Am I going to react the way I should, or am I going to basically be too scared to move? I am still waking up in the mornings expecting this to be a dream, expecting it to not be real - but it is and there is no turning back now.
    I can actually wake up no problem around 6 a.m but within a couple of hours I am dead tired and my eyes are trying to close on me - it is so aggravating, especially since I have class tonight and I can't have any kind of energy drink. I can already see the next 8 months are going to be very difficult and mentally draining, I am beginning to wish I had stuck to taking my pill everyday to prevent this.......... UGH!!

Maybe this time is It

    I went to Pregnancy Resource Center and they confirmed another positive pregnancy, and figure me to be around 5 weeks. I am really nervous - about a lot of things in fact. I think I was this far along when I had miscarried last time, and I am still scared of the idea of having a baby. I know my life is going to change a lot, and it is going to be crazy for a few years. I am scheduled to go in on September 8 for an ultrasound which will tell me just about exactly where I am at. I am tired and I really just want to go to sleep right now, I do not know if that has anything to do with being pregnant though. 
    I know one thing, I will not be doing the whole pink or blue bullshit, the bedding and decor will be neutral and animal scene. My child will go everywhere with me when it is safe, out hiking, running (except during the trail runs) and wherever I go. I am not going to be like so many other women who act as if their life is completely over with now that they have a baby in their life.

Surprise - - Surprise

    I figured it wouldn't happen anytime soon and thought I probably couldn't carry. Well this morning I took a test and it came up positive, I mean it's positive for the pregnancy hormone so it doesn't necessarily mean I am pregnant but knowing my luck I am. I am kind of excited but also very nervous, a bit scared to say the least. Everything that is going on in my life right now, a lot of it is going to be effected big time - my running, my photography and my animals are all going to be effected somehow. I am not going to freak out yet though, I have enough time to work things out and figure how I am going to involve my child in my activities safely. He/she will definitely be home schooled though. I am busy searching for insurance so I will work on more of this later.

Cool Weather For the First Time In Weeks

   For the first time in what feels like more than a month - there is cool weather again. That nasty heat wave is finally over with and hopefully we won't see any more of it the rest of the year. It has been quite a while since I have felt the urge and inspiration to get out and take photos, and using people - but this good weather has me wanting it now. I have so many ideas and inspiration and cannot wait for Autumn to come, I will be dragging friends wherever to get those really good outdoor portrait shots. Team 13 training has been going well, we just ran 6 miles this morning and our weekly runs are at 4 miles now so I am slowly getting there while dealing with some soreness at the knees. I am trying not to worry though, and hoping that my legs will get used to the mileage because it is only going to increase from here on to the Half Marathon in October. I am just hoping that I don't have to miss this race again, I would probably lose my mind if I do.

Oh the Life of being Married to a Man

   So last night, my husband goes on facebook posting some status and my sister responds with what at first seemed like a smart ass question (they weren't always friendly with each other) and I made a comment trying to keep it nice. Later that night I went on Cameron's account and made a comment from him because I was afraid he would get on there after jamming (and drinking) and go off on her (starting yet another family feud). After that, for some reason I decided to post my photography page (still on his account) to his wall as if I were him supporting my photography. That pissed him off, I mean I know it was stupid for me to do that but he acts as if I had gone on there and deleted a bunch of hot lady friends from his friends, or deleted comments he has made to them. I honestly don't care really, I don't like going towards his page because I always figure that I am going to see something I don't like and what the hell can I do about it???? - Move back in with my mom....... yeah in other words I have no other options then sitting back and just doing nothing if he were playing foul games behind my back. I can see where this day is already going to go.

This Morning's Trail Run

     Although I woke up about an hour later than I wanted to, I still managed to get my run in on the trails. The humidity and due point were already rising, but it was a lot better than being out on the road. My left knee did complain a little for the first 2 minutes but subsided immediately, the run was only about 1.15 miles and it might have been longer if I had gotten there an hour earlier. Thursday I will continue my training and run the 3 miles, my legs have recovered pretty well. Last night I took my girl Molly for a walk, I am not yet used to Chandler and feel bad that we walked for an hour, in colder weather she would have been great, but even at 83* and humid, her almost 13 year old furry body just isn't cut out for heat with no water. Until this heat subsides, I am probably going to take water with us, there are ditches out there but I am sure there's pesticides and poisons in the water due to all the corn field and other vegatables. I am half tempted to shave Molly, but I might just shave her underbelly since that is where they lose and keep heat. Anyways,  I will be happy when this summer is over with.

It's just Another Manic Monday

    So today starts off as usual, I get to the gym around 7:30 a.m and do my usual and feel great about it- Cameron always has jokes for when I go to the gym which is getting really annoying. Other than our business not getting any sales, but the bills are flowing through no problem - my Adobe Lightroom 3 came in today, but in order to get the serial number I had to go through all this crap on Adobe only to find that they needed proof that I was going to school which meant scanning it from our piece of shit printer when didn't work so now I can't play with it yet. I am thinking that maybe I will have to take into a library to do it, but that just seems like too much for this little bullshit and all I want to do is play with Lightroom3.
     I am contemplating just running a mile on the trail tomorrow morning instead of the 3 miles, my knees aren't feeling too bad right now but I think it would do them better to be on dirt and to take it a little easier. Depending on how the 1 miles feels, though I am sure I will be alright with Thursday's 3 miles and Saturday's 5k race. It isn't really anything I couldn't run through (at the moment) but I do not want to take the chance, especially with our long runs increasing weekly. Tonight I am going to take Molly for a 2 mile walk out near our house, she needs the exercise and it will be a little cooler then. Since the vet has put her on a new diet to dissolve the stones, she now has to eat in the morning and at night (she was only eating at night about a month ago), and this heat is keeping her from being outside and active. I don't think it will be too humid tonight, so she should be alright.