It has not been horrible, I have been feeling horrible and insecure lately though. I just have this voice ripping inside of me to just give up on trying to improve myself, it has been feeling more and more like a struggle to get up and work out lately, if I get up then Cameron sooner or later starts to complain that I am neglecting him, but if I don't get up I start to feel like shit. I can't do my workouts in the evening because the gym closes at 7 and it just works better in the morning. I am beginning to feel myself derail, I don't know what to do and am feeling lost. JumpStart doesn't begin until May 24, but Shari has invited me to their little group runs at the Y on Tuesdays and Thursdays until then so hopefully I can start to feel sane again.
I just don't know how much more I can take, it is like no matter what I try to do, I am always failing in Cameron's eyes because it is hardly ever at his convenience. I am beginning to think that he wants me to sit around and wait for his every command, for his convenience and I can not do that! I will not be over weight again, I will not look like Shauna, or Kara or even Steph and I do not want to come close to looking like I did before I started working out last year! I just don't know what to do, I just want to get out and run, I want to go bike, swim or just get away from this pain and confusion.
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