I am to the point, actually I am just about beyond that point an I am about to jump off of it. I am sick of looking in the mirror, I am sick of my jiggly ass fat stomach and my thick, fatty thighs that will never go away. The only thing that helps me deal with this is running, so when I can't run, I slowly begin to lose my mind and want so badly to start ripping at my flesh, just scratching and cutting at this ugliness. I am at the mercy of this weather, this bullshit, humid hot fucking weather and it is driving me into the ground. I have to wait until Cameron and everyone is in bed before I can run tonight, just so I can make sure that Dorian doesn't wake up and get upset that I am not around.
I honestly think this feeling has hit close to it's highest peak today, and nobody can or is willing to understand why I feel this way. I've got nobody to talk to, nobody that can even BEGIN to understand why I want so badly to run, or why I feel like completely dog shit when I miss a run.
No comments:
Post a Comment