I haven't been blind to my best friend's age, it isn't like I have been denying the inevitable that she would someday pass away. But last night really woke me up, all day things seemed normal up until around 9:30 p.m when Molly started pacing and going to the front door wanting out. I thought she might have just wanted to be near the grill, but I let her out for a few minutes then brought her back in. Within 5 minutes she was acting anxious and stressed, I assumed it was the kids that were here stressing her out (she doesn't like those two) until she was in the kitchen squatting trying to pee but Cameron said nothing came out. I took her out and watched her, she would squat for a few seconds, get up and walk a little then squat again, this went on for 10 minutes before I finally said enough and told Cameron that I was taking her to the Emergency Vet Clinic.
She was miserable, she couldn't pee but she still enjoyed having the window open so she could stick her head out. I was scared of what it was, when I had called they said it could be a Bladder infection, UTI or blockage in her urethra. Once there, I had to sit in a room while they took her to the back and I had to hear her yelp, whimper and scream these sounds I don't ever want to hear from her again. It killed me that I could not run in there and let her know that I was still here and I wasn't leaving her, the screams were not dog like at all as they gave her this medication that was supposed to relax her but only made it worse and her seem drunk. She has stones in her bladder, all of them tiny enough to pass but one too large that got lodged in the urethra, they were able to push it back into the bladder but it has to come out. After two hours (seemed like forever) they brought her back into the room with me and she was immediately at my side (dazed), nudging me and looking up at me, glued to my side.
They gave me medication for her, and now I have to wait til Monday to call my vet and take her in, find out how much it will cost to get the stone out. I am not going to let her suffer this, but I am not going to put her down. This isn't something caused with age but an accident that shouldn't have happened. Molly is as healthy as a pup (not as crazy hyper as she was as a pup though) and still has at least 3 great years to go before she starts slowing and wearing down. She plays with my almost 2 year old Cattle Dog mix Rocky every night, jumping and running and rearing up with each other (and humping him). She has too much life in her to just throw it away because of money, I will gladly sell my camera gear if that is what it takes.
I know lots of people go through this, I know what everyone will say but it isn't the same. There isn't one person around me that knows why and how strong of a bond Molly and I have. I remember the day she found me, the day I was standing in front of a neighbor's yard watching my brother do stupid things on his bike when I had this feeling and looked over across the street. There sitting in a driveway watching me with this intense gaze was this black and white fur ball, we ran over there to her and she peed on herself excitedly. I loved her immediately, though I knew mom would try to find her home (she had a collar on). After few days mom decided we would keep her, and I knew it was fate. I had been wishing for a dog like Molly, begging to have one fall into my lap and she is so much more. She is the perfect of both Siberian Husky and German Shepherd, she has always had the free, energizer bunny spirit of a husky but that unbreakable loyalty of a German Shepherd, to me. She found me back in 1999 and has been my best friend, my shadow ever since then; when I had nobody to talk to, nobody to hang out with, she has always been there for me. Never judging me, never holding anything against me but always ready for anything whether it was racing around the neighborhood pulling me on my rollerblades or running through the woods, and always my best friend, my kindred spirit sleeping right under my bed (growing up in my mom's house) where my head would lay. I am not ready to lose her yet, I know everyone says that but this angel has saved my life countless times, the thought of her being left here due to a selfish act has kept me from acting on those thoughts so many times I have lost count. Without her here, I would feel so alone and I know that probably sounds wrong as I have a family and a great husband but Molly is the center of my world, and I owe her whatever it takes to make her better. I would lose all heart, all drive to keep pushing forward if I have to give her up now. I am not ready for it, though I know it is inevitable and I have told myself that if there was any suffering that couldn't be fixed permanently, or if I could see in her eyes that she was done - but she isn't done, I can see that in her eyes now. This angel of mine still has the spunk she had as a puppy, the stubborn tenacity that I fell in love with from the beginning. Even with her 13th birthday coming up in November you wouldn't know it, not with this girl.
Someday I will have to let go, but it won't be this year and it will not be anytime soon. When she is ready, when she knows I am ready then she will let me know as she has always let me know what she wants from me.
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