Milestones of all Kinds

   Amazing how sometimes you don't know what to title a post, so I just put that one. Dorian is reaching that point where he is just going to start amazing us with milestones, things he didn't really pay attention to just a week or so ago are now so intriguing to him. He has 3 teeth coming in, he is beginning to support himself for a few minutes at a time when I hold him in a sitting position. Yesterday I weighed him at 14 lbs and 9 oz, he is slowing down on his weight gain but that is normal as he is getting older. He is such a beautiful boy, still holding back his laughter unfortunately, but I can deal with that. He hasn't really began crawling yet, he is pushing himself backwards but I hope he is crawling by the time he is 6 months old.
   I weigh about 148 lbs now, so I am slowly losing the weight but only as long as I am careful about what I eat and keep up on my running and working out. I am so happy that I can actually fit into my size 9 jeans, that is a milestone for me. This weekend was a bit of a downer as I only ran 7 miles instead of 8 but it was pretty hot, I was pretty dehydrated and didn't really eat anything before the run. This week I think I am going to increase one of my runs to 6 miles, possibly the Tuesday night run and leave the Thursday night run at 5 miles. This coming weekend I am supposed to run 9 miles, but we will have to see about the weather and everything, I really hope I am up for it but who knows. This last weekend's run kind of has me questioning if I want to keep pushing it, but hopefully next weekend will be a lot better run.
   I am contemplating doing my runs in the morning right now, after some shit between Cameron and I, it just seems like a better idea if I don't bother him with watching Dorian. Now, if only I can get up at 5 a.m to go and do my run without feeling too exhausted. I know Shauna won't be exactly pleased with it, as she doesn't like running by herself but I can't keep holding back because of her damn it.

Not too Awesome a Run, 19 weeks Post Partum and seeing Improvements

    This weekend was supposed to be 8 miles, my gut told me to wait until evening but I really wanted to get my run in and feel great about it so my mom came over this morning at 9 a.m and I headed out for the run. As I got out of my Tahoe, the heat of the sun blasted me, even though it was 85 degrees but there wasn't any clouds, my gut kept telling me not to try but I didn't listen. I ran 7 miles, and they weren't great at all, I couldn't slow down enough, kept pushing below 11 minutes for some reason and the sun was burning my skin.  I am a little upset BUT at least I ran 7 miles  instead of none, so I can look at it like that.
    About an hour ago I headed downstairs to do laundry when I noticed a pair of jeans on the floor, they were my size 9 jeans that I hadn't worn since the 1st-2nd trimester. After having Dorian, within the first month I tried them on out of curiosity and my thighs were too thick, as well as my hips and my stomach so I didn't want to look at them since. I thought what the heck and tried them on, and to my amazement they fit!!! My thighs fit nice and snug, a little bit of a muffin top but not much at all when standing AND my hips had no problem fitting in. Around August last year I was wearing size 7/8 jeans, so being able to wear my size 9 jeans just 19 weeks after giving birth is awesome.
    I probably won't be walking on the days that I don't run, at least not until the weather cools back down again because Dorian can't stand the heat, and I am scared that he might get bit by a mosquito when we've got West Nile around here this year. My baby's life is not going to be put in jeopardy all because I want a little bit o exercise in between runs, heck I'll dance around the living room for a half hour instead. My little angel has 3 teeth coming in, all at the top, one on his left side, one on his right side and the third in the front so he isn't always as cheerful as normal but I can understand.
   Any who, the Half Marathon is 42 days away, about 7 weeks from tomorrow and I am excited. Hopefully it will really start cooling off soon so I can enjoy my long runs dang it.

Deception and Lies, How do you tell someone they're doing wrong?

   Last night while walking with my sister Kara and my mom, I got most of the story on what exactly has been going on in Shauna's life. Shauna hasn't been happy with her life for quite a few years. When she got pregnant with Skyler back in 2005, she even told me that she felt her life was over and at an end, which was and is a selfish way of looking at things. Instead of always looking at the positive side, seeing the life of a child as a brand new chapter and a chance to teach that child and love that child, she felt like that child was ruining her life. She had been talking about leaving Chris for a few years, didn't even want to marry him back in 2006 but did because she was pregnant with their second child. I found out last night from Kara that not only did Shauna finally tell Chris she wants a divorce (Tuesday night when she didn't run with me), but she has been cheating on him with another guy who is married as well. I don't know for sure how long she had been doing this but I wouldn't be surprised if it's been over a year. Kara won't say much about it though, and I feel weird because Shauna has been deceiving Chris and been lying to me about things.
   Shauna is my sister, and my running partner but now I feel weird running with her or hanging out with her while knowing these things and knowing that she doesn't know that I know. I feel that I am now a part of this mess and I don't like it, I really feel sorry for the kids though, especially when I know Shauna isn't really thinking about them at all even though she plans on taking them with her. It's weird, especially when I know they should have never gotten together in the first place, it was all out of convenience for both of them but mainly her and now two kids are suffering for it.
   Anyways, other than that my life is going okay for the moment. The business is having to spend money to fix machines while not really making any at the moment. The rails should be finished in 2-3 weeks, which then our Dealers will be ordering, hopefully we can stay above $15,000 until then.

The lbs Are Slowing Falling Off

   Last Monday I bought a new scale, a digital one that had great reviews on it and it weighed me at 152 lbs which was about 5 lbs more than my old scale was. At first I was discouraged as I guess maybe I weighed more during pregnancy than I thought and probably all last year instead of weighing 134 lbs I probably weighed 137 - 139 lbs. Last week I ran a total of 17 miles which equaled to 1700-1800 calories burnt, 1,700 calories is a lb; this Monday morning I weighed myself at 150 lbs then this morning I weighed myself just out of curiosity and it said 149.2 lbs so the lbs are slowly coming off and I am excited. Hopefully as my mileage stays up over 10 miles a week I will keep seeing 1-2 lbs falling off each week, especially as I try to walk 3 miles on the days that I don't run, so that is an extra 600-800 calories burnt. This week I will be running 18 miles, along with the walking so hopefully things will keep looking up.
   Dorian is slowly giving up his laughs to me, he has been trying to hold them in all this time. He is so adorable, and already wanting to fall asleep by himself in his bassinet or crib, I used to have to hold him, rock him or try anything to get him to fall asleep but for the past month he has been preferring his bassinet at night or the crib at the shop during nap time. It kind of hurts, but during the weekends he is happy to cuddle with me on the couch, and of course he likes to be carried around. I remember in the beginning everyone was telling me and Cameron that we were spoiling him by holding him too much, that he wouldn't want to fall asleep by himself or learn to soothe himself, it is amazing how wrong people who think they know everything can be. I haven't weighed him for almost 2 weeks, but I think he is getting up towards 15 lbs now, two weeks ago I weighed him at 14.3 lbs so it wouldn't surprise me if he has already reached 15 lbs.
   We've created a team called Chaos for the Spartan Race next April, we're doing the Spartan Sprint or 4 mile race with 15 obstacles which should be exciting. Right now it's just me and Cameron who have joined, but Jared plans on joining, Ethan and Preston do as well and hopefully Shauna will have the money to. Cameron is trying to talk his friend Brian into it, and Preston is going to try and get Nicole to do it as well. It will definitely be an interesting race, and hopefully fun. I plan on taking it seriously and training hard for it over the winter, hopefully everyone else will too, it's not so much the running but the obstacles that I am concerned with, and of Cameron's training as he will most likely be the one who doesn't train for it.

My Best Friend is Getting Older

   Molly went in this morning for her surgery, to remove the two tumors on her eyelids (one on each side). She was very reluctant about going to the back with the assistant, I hate leaving her there especially as she is getting older. Today is going by so slowly now, I've got to wait until 1 p.m before I can call and see how she is doing and it is only 10:40 a.m now. Molly will be 14 years old this November, and she has finally begun to slow down in the last 2 months which is difficult for me to observe while knowing that her journey is almost at an end. I wanted to take her to the Rockies at least once, to go hiking there in the mountains and it just doesn't look like that is going to happen. I don't feel as scared about losing her as I did before Dorian, and I feel kind of bad about it.  I am trying to keep my mind off of it, but it is difficult. I was in high hopes that she would live to 16-17 years old but in the last couple of months she has really slowed down and is actually starting to behave like a senior dog so I am not sure how much longer she has.
   I wonder if she will make it to her 15th birthday, I mean I think she will as long as I don't push her anymore. I haven't really taken her for walks this summer due to the heat, and I probably won't have her do too much more than our little hikes at Angel Mounds trails this winter. I am not going to try and keep her alive if she is suffering and there isn't logically anything that can take the pain away, and I don't mean pills and constant visits to the vet. I decided on this surgery because it is causing her irritation and pain, but keeping them wouldn't kill her but make her completely miserable and blind someday. I don't want her to suffer any if at all during the last couple years, months or weeks of her life. The only thing after these tumors will be keeping her mouth and teeth as clean as possible and taking pee samples in annually to make sure the bladder stones aren't coming back.
   Ugh, the hours are going by way to slow damn it! 

Stupid Bathroom Scales

   All this time I feel that I was lying to myself about my weight, weighing myself on that old bathroom scale and thinking I was losing weight. Yesterday  I weighed myself at 145-147, wasn't sure because every time I step off of it, the arrow goes back to 3 lbs AND right after I move it to zero before stepping onto it. I decided to buy a digital scale with body fat measurement as well, so I weighed myself on it, at 152 lbs with 34% body fat.......... 6 lbs difference or so? I told myself it must be because I had eaten lunch and breakfast (I normally weigh myself first thing in the morning after using the restroom and pumping). I waited until this morning and weighed myself again, still 152 lbs but this time 35% body fat........ what the heck!!! I don't know what to do, on myfitnesspal.com I've been going with the older scale and now I feel that if I go from 145 lbs to 152 lbs that would make me a liar, AND I will have taken so many steps backwards. I look in the mirror and can see that I've slimmed down some. I've lost 2 1/2 inches around my waist, I've gone down 3 belt loops/holes since buying the belt 2 1/2 months ago or so and I've lost 1 inch around my thighs so I don't get it. Did I weigh more than the old scale said when I was pregnant? Instead of 164 lbs did I really weigh 174 lbs or something? People were telling me how small I was for 9-10 months pregnant,  but I don't know now. Did I really weigh 134 lbs last year when I got pregnant, I sure as heck didn't look like I weighed 145 lbs or something........ I am so confused. Parts of me just want to keep trekking along and training for my Half, hoping that as the mileage increases and then levels out to 15-20 mpw after the Half, my weight will slowly decrease as well. I tell myself that my body still needs more months to recover, I am only 4 months post and I think I am doing pretty good but I just can't get over the stupid scales!!! UGH!!!

Some Updates on My Life

   Today Dorian is 4 months old, weighing in at 14 lbs and 3 oz and around 25 inches long. A beautiful baby, with such a beautiful personality already, he has such strong facial expressions and really knows how to use his eyebrows.
   I weighed myself this morning at 145 lbs so things are looking pretty good for me, I ran 6 miles Saturday evening so hopefully that helped, and I walked 1.75 miles yesterday morning with Cameron and then an additional 3 miles later that afternoon with just me and Dorian. Next weekend is 7 miles, and I feel pretty good about that one along with the weekly 4 mile runs which pretty soon I am going to increase them to 5 miles after the 7 mile long run this weekend.
   The business is doing well, better than I expected to come back to this Monday. Our personal isn't, but I have bought a new microwave, a new coffee maker and a new digital scale that I still need to go and pick up today from Walmart. It also supposedly tells the body fat percentage, but I am not too worried about that part, I am just sick of guessing what those older scales say. I am sleepy, even though Dorian has been falling asleep before midnight and I think I am getting 7 hours of sleep, I still feel tired. I actually feel more tired if I get 7 hours of sleep rather than just 5 hours.
   I am trying to wait patiently for my new coffee maker, especially now that I am not using my older one. Two weeks ago it started taking 1 hour to fix 16 oz, when it used to do that in 10-15 minutes. I have no idea why and am really irritated about it, I kind of wish I had gone to the store and bought my coffee maker but having a newborn makes things like that a little difficult.
  I am going to see what my 10k race time was last year, just curious on how I did Saturday night compared to almost one year ago. Eh, I was 12 minutes slower than last year but that is alright, I am okay with that.

My training, and my Little Angel

    I didn't get out yesterday morning to do my 6 mile run, and was a little disappointed at first because it would have been in the high 50's to low 60's if I had ran and I really wanted to feel that temperature. I am very glad I didn't go, my sister was able to run later that evening and we did our 6 miles together, granted I winged it on the route choosing but sometimes it is fun when you don't exactly have a plan and just go as the GPS on your Garmin tells you. Our pace averaged just under 12 minutes, our splits were:
Mile 1 - 12:03 / Mile 2 - 11:23 / Mile 3 - 12:16 / Mile 4 - 12:21 / Mile 5 - 12:09 / Mile 6 - 11:45
   I felt I could have gone another couple miles at 11:58 mpm pace but I am going to stick to my training plan for now and not risk injury just because I was feeling pretty good and the weather was great (71 degrees). After Half Marathon my plan is to average my weekly runs to 5 miles (2 times a week), with a fast 1 mile run for a speed workout and the weekend long runs to be between 8-10 miles hopefully averaging 15-20 miles a week.
  I am excited, things are going well with training. Dorian is a gift, blessing and a dream I never imagined coming true. He's already so strong, so aware of his surroundings, and too smart for his own good lol. Everyone who meets him can't believe how happy his is, and everything else. Cameron and I know exactly why,  not because we just got lucky with a well behaved child but because his parents love him, love each other and he lives in a stable, secure house unlike so many other children whose parents are constantly arguing and fighting or ignoring the child, and again everyone tells us we're obsessed, that we're spoiling him..... so what if we're obsessed with our child... we're supposed to be! And if loving him, socializing him, interacting with him, and working on his developmental milestones is spoiling him then that is quite alright with us. He's my contribution to this world, a clean slate that needs influencing, teaching and good (and bad) experiences with a good head on his shoulders, and the only way for that is to build a strong bond with him from the beginning. I know he is going to go through changes, especially when puberty starts and it will be tough but hopefully with a strong bond, setting a good example for him, teach him morals, value and the difference between right and wrong (and WHY), it won't be too difficult. So many people I know are just counting the days when their child/dren will be out the door and out of their hair... why??? It's an amazing experience, a whole new chapter just waiting to be written,    I just don't understand their way of thinking but I sure won't think that.
   I plan to set a great example for Dorian, healthy lifestyle, an honest living, quality over quantity and definitely living over materialistic crap. Hopefully he'll grow up learning and watching me closely, and grow a strong interest in running, or anything athletic really (but definitely running). Okay, I'm done. :)

Life can Suck a Little

  Ugh.... sometimes I really wish I just worked somewhere and I didn't have to worry about how the company was doing fine or not. It can be so stressful having this kind of responsibility, but I know it is the only way I can have Dorian with me. I don't think I could function very well if he was at a babysitter all day, my mind would constantly be worrying about him and his safety and happiness. I just don't know how some people can do that, go to work and leave their children with someone else all day, it would drive me crazy. As usual, machines are acting up at a time where we just don't have the money to really spare, but we don't have a choice.