Today at 5 p.m I have to make the hardest choice in my life so far, I have to take my best friend in and say goodbye to her. This is a decision I don't want to make, I want to ignore it and wish this was all a bad dream but it is not. I am trying not to think about it, but I don't know how I am going to handle it when that time comes, when I have to carry her to my Tahoe and take her in. I am scared, scared that I will lose all strength in my legs when I walk her up to the doors, I am scared that I won't be able to handle this at all. Cameron is going to come with me I hope, mom is going to watch Dorian at home and then Cameron and the boys will dig her resting place. Part of me wants to go alone, but I know that is not a good idea because I don't know where my mindset will be on the way home.
I got home yesterday, and I looked into my girl's eyes and knew it was not the right time. Colder weather has set in and somehow her health is improving to a degree, she is more interested in food now than she was a couple of days ago though still being picky about it. We decided not to take her in, to give her a little longer because it just doesn't seem right. I am trying to think with a level head and not my own needs, because I don't want her to suffer more than she already has but she just doesn't seem ready to let go.
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