It is Decided!

   It took no time after talking to Gina to make the decision final, I am going to do the home birth and with her. I feel so comfortable with her, we sat there and talked for an hour and a half about so much. She hasn't had a whole lot of experience with midwifing home births herself, but she has been to so many births at hospitals, birth centers and home births with other midwives. I am still nervous, with this being my first pregnancy and everything - my main anxiety is when thinking about the pain I am going to be feeling. Being almost 16 weeks, it just feels like the due date is so far away and I am so impatient!!! Lol, but I know the wait is worth it and I will have so many years with this child.

So Much Going Through My Head

  Two nights ago, I opened my mind to the idea of a home birth with a midwife. I cannot stand hospitals and they are always cold and uncaring to me, it is probably because I have never had good insurance on my own but even when I was with my mother's insurance, they were this bad. I have been doing my research, trying to see both sides of it and scared either way. I am mainly scared of having a breech   or some other bad scenario and having to go through a C-Section and miss the real miracle of giving birth. I would really rather do a home birth in my home, having family around me and a professional midwife there to help, I know birth will probably be the most difficult thing in my life but I can't turn back now and I just want my baby to be safe (and me of course). 
  I have a consultation with a midwife Monday afternoon, and I hope I do not forget any questions I have for her, I want to make sure she knows how important this is to me and how serious I am taking it. I will probably get my questions together on a piece of paper Monday morning to have ready for her.

Another Update on My Life

   This Thursday I will be 15 weeks pregnant, I keep going through this roller coaster of emotions - excitement and happiness to worried and unhappy. Last week a part of me was worried about all the things I will never be able to do now, like travel. But this morning as I thought more on it, I don't think there is anything stopping me, not even a baby - because I could take the child anywhere with me, to different areas, hiking, running (in a stroller) - just about anywhere I can think of. I will be able to encourage my child with reading and educational television - while also teaching him/her of the outdoors.
    But then, as quickly as all the excitements comes - so does the worry that my child might not enjoy any of this stuff, what if he/she doesn't want to hike are enjoy outdoors, what if he/she doesn't enjoy reading or watching anything educational??? I don't know what is with this roller coaster of worries and emotions but it is a little annoying.

Update on My Life

    I am so excited and nervous, I can barely hold it together damn it! I am going to be all giddy walking into pick up my race packet/bucket tomorrow morning, I won't know what do with myself!! The Half Marathon is this Sunday, only 2 days and a few hours away. I am going to be tearing up when I cross that finish line, and I hope the whole race goes well with maybe a couple of bathroom stops (I would rather there be none).
   Tonight is the last night of Team 13, but I don't think I am going to go - this weather has warmed up to 83 degrees but it feels like 95 compared to 54 degrees in the mornings. I keep feeling the sniffles and sneezing a bit so I don't want to get sick before the race.
   I still cannot believe I am going to be running a Half Marathon this Sunday, it still feels like a dream. I am probably going to be sick to my stomach and nervous as hell the whole time, which is why I am so nervous because I am afraid it might slow me down some just out of concern on puking.
   I am 13 weeks along this week, and moving right along with a growing belly which I still think is all me and not the baby. It kind of pisses me off, I really want to go as long as I could without gaining weight and shit, because the baby isn't big enough to be showing a bump. Maybe I am in denial, maybe it is alright to start showing this early? I am just going to keep trying to stay in shape, and get back to a healthy eating habit which for some reason has been very difficult here lately.