A Mix of Everything

  First off, Dorian has been having some gas issues these last couple of nights and last night was really bad. He is normally such a great baby, except when something is hurting him like his teething or stomach troubles. It is stressful, watching him hurt like that and not being able to do anything except try to comfort him the best I can. It took both Cameron and I laying with him in bed to help him fall asleep last night, Cameron propped him up against me in a sitting position and I rubbed his tummy. Hopefully there won't be a whole lot of days like this, I hate seeing him in pain.
  I haven't ran since Sunday, and although I am getting a little tense and was going to run tonight no matter how my leg felt, I feel a lot better after weighing myself. My main worry other than my sanity was falling off the wagon and losing what progress I had made with my weight loss. On September 14, I weighed myself at 147 lbs and wasn't going to weigh myself again until after the Half Marathon (next Sunday), but when my cat turned on the scale in the bathroom and I had to shoo her off of it, curiosity got the best of me. Apparently I have lost 4 lbs since my last weigh in, I now weigh 143 lbs. I am happy, but a little suspicious and wondering if my eyes were deceiving me so tomorrow morning I am going to weigh myself again. I put on my size 7 jeans and they aren't as tight as they were 2 weeks ago but still a bit snug. i am happy, I will rest again today and maybe walk tomorrow and then run my 8 miles Sunday. My leg is still kind of sore, but not bad and I am going to keep using the foam roller on it, hopefully I can get through the Half Marathon at least with the same time as last year and then not be so hell bent on my runs, and getting back to doing squats and lunges more since I haven't for quite a while.
  

Molly is doing Much Better

   I am so happy to say that Molly is doing so much better, we were getting really worried that night, I thought she didn't have much time left. The next day I had turned the A/C back on, and by the night she was already feeling better and picking up her pace. Within a week she was back to her old self again, and she is back to being spunky and high spirited, her appetite is back and she will happily harass me until I feed her. I was so scared that I was going to lose her before her 14th birthday, and I really hope that it was either just the heat or she was trying to get over some virus and the heat was making it worse. I might take her for a good hike this weekend (not sure yet as I could be really busy), I know she will enjoy the cool weather even if she is going to slow down with age.
   Dorian's teething is really starting now, he can't really sleep through the night without waking up or stirring and waking me up. I can't wait until he gets his teeth in, because that is the only part that is difficult to handle, but I think he has a more difficult time with it than me.

Men are Unbelievable

  It is truly baffling how arrogant and "forgetful" men can be, they have selective memory and will forget all the bad things they do while always remembering another's fault and fumbles. Then they either bring up all your faults and mistakes just to justify themselves or act as if they never said anything that you are accusing them of. To make matters even worse, is when they are comfortable with putting you down and calling you names right in front of your own child. I am seriously wondering if I really want my son to grow up hearing such cruel words being slung at his mother, so that he can see all women like that and have no respect for me. I am getting tired of it, and really sick and tired of him bringing up my mistake 4 years ago (cheating/kissing another guy/ lying to him about it) every time I mention how something he does or says makes me feel. The reason I am tired of it, is because I know that he would still treat me like this even if I hadn't made that mistake.
   After bringing it up, and then he of course throwing my mistake in my face as usual, he apologizes but I don't believe it or want to hear it...because I know he will just do it again, I know he doesn't mean it, and my proof is the fact that he brought up my mistake to justify something he has been doing since the first year we were together.

Good things, Bad Things... It's Neverending

  First, the good news:
     My little angel woke me up this morning at 5 a.m, so I decided to get up and start warming up his milk. We got up at 5:25 and I decided to weigh myself, I am now down to 147 lbs which is good news. We went ahead and did our 3 mile walk at 7 a.m which was nice. Molly is doing a bit better, she actually has an appetite and I think it helped when I closed the windows and turned the A/C back on, the house temp was reaching 82 degrees yesterday so I finally gave in. She has lost some weight though, I can really feel her spine and hip bones now, but she is better than just 2 days ago when I was really scared.
     Last night Shauna couldn't run with me, her back was hurting so I ran my 5 miles alone. I hope she can run the 10 miles this weekend, as 10 miles alone most likely will suck I think.... I mean I did run 8 miles 2 weeks ago by myself but that really sucked and I think mainly because it was hot and muggy out. We'll see how things go this weekend.
  
  Now for the crappy news:
    We've been spending more than we've been making, and we're probably going to lose a Dealer which makes things even worse. Apparently the IRS thinks we owe them a huge amount of money that we've already paid, but seeing on how Marilyn (our accountant) has been screwing us on just about every turn, not informing us about very important details until the last minute so that we find things like this out on our own. Our sales have slowed down extremely, and at this point we really need the sales.

    Cameron is being positive about things, or at least acting like it while I am freaking out and getting aggravated. 

My Best Friend is Aging.......Fast

   It is a hard reality to face, that my best friend of over 13 years is past her prime and no longer a young, feisty pup full of so much life and stubborn personality, she is a 60 lb Shepherd/Husky mix that will be turning 14 years old this November and that has been quite a feat for one large dog but she is really beginning to show it now. She started slowing down a little about 2 years ago, but was still out running around and having a good time this past winter. We used to call her SUV because she would run up walls of dirt like nothing, these were 12-15 feet high and almost at a 90 degree angle and she ran up them like they weren't an issue, she did this until about 3 years ago before she started avoiding them or just climbing up a little slower. She has really begun to show her age just these past couple of weeks, I don't know if she just isn't feeling good or she really is slowing down. Coming up the front porch flight of stairs seems to be a huge effort for her, she barely wants to go outside anymore, and going outside was one of her favorite things in the world........okay her most favorite thing was going outside. She barely perked up this past Sunday when I took her to the woods and riverfront, and it sucks to see her this way.

These two photos above were taken in March of this year, that is only 6 months ago....... a huge difference now. These two below was just 2 days ago when we went to the riverfront and the woods along it. She just ambled along the edge, just a couple months ago she would have been trotting and bouncing around sniffing everything.

It sucks, I don't want to admit or face the truth, that my best friend won't be with me forever and she might not be with me very much longer. If this isn't just her not feeling well, then I fear she may not see 15 years. I honestly don't know how I will handle it, I mean I have to be strong for Dorian but losing Molly will be the hardest thing in my life yet.

Insurance Sucks Major

   So my doctor's office called me just a bit ago, and they tell me that my insurance will not cover either the Paraguard or the Mirena IUD, and both are well over $1,000 and you must pay in full on the day of procedure. It looks like I am going back on the pill, which will inevitably screw me over, but I've already decided that if I turn up pregnant within the next 3 years, I am getting an abortion. Or I'll spend $40 on the morning after pill if and when I think Cameron didn't pull out fast enough. It is definitely really irritating, and Cameron is not willing to shell out a grand for this, I mean I don't want to shell out a grand but I know his reasons are different from mine. I don't want to spend a grand if I can help it, but he wants to either spend it on business supplies that we don't need yet, or the freaking band shit. This is just one more thing to stress me out, and I have just about had enough, I could probably go the rest of my life without sex.
  Planned Parenthood has on their website that they do the Paragard here in Evansville, but over the phone they say no. The closest is Bloomington, Indiana. It looks like I will have to go to Tri Cap and get on the pill, I am half tempted to demand the surgery to permanently sterilize me, but I haven't decided if Dorian will be my only child although at this point I am pretty damn satisfied with giving him all my love and attention.

Milestones of all Kinds

   Amazing how sometimes you don't know what to title a post, so I just put that one. Dorian is reaching that point where he is just going to start amazing us with milestones, things he didn't really pay attention to just a week or so ago are now so intriguing to him. He has 3 teeth coming in, he is beginning to support himself for a few minutes at a time when I hold him in a sitting position. Yesterday I weighed him at 14 lbs and 9 oz, he is slowing down on his weight gain but that is normal as he is getting older. He is such a beautiful boy, still holding back his laughter unfortunately, but I can deal with that. He hasn't really began crawling yet, he is pushing himself backwards but I hope he is crawling by the time he is 6 months old.
   I weigh about 148 lbs now, so I am slowly losing the weight but only as long as I am careful about what I eat and keep up on my running and working out. I am so happy that I can actually fit into my size 9 jeans, that is a milestone for me. This weekend was a bit of a downer as I only ran 7 miles instead of 8 but it was pretty hot, I was pretty dehydrated and didn't really eat anything before the run. This week I think I am going to increase one of my runs to 6 miles, possibly the Tuesday night run and leave the Thursday night run at 5 miles. This coming weekend I am supposed to run 9 miles, but we will have to see about the weather and everything, I really hope I am up for it but who knows. This last weekend's run kind of has me questioning if I want to keep pushing it, but hopefully next weekend will be a lot better run.
   I am contemplating doing my runs in the morning right now, after some shit between Cameron and I, it just seems like a better idea if I don't bother him with watching Dorian. Now, if only I can get up at 5 a.m to go and do my run without feeling too exhausted. I know Shauna won't be exactly pleased with it, as she doesn't like running by herself but I can't keep holding back because of her damn it.