Some False Alarms

   Last night I started to feel some tight cramping right in my pelvis, they'd last probably 10 seconds, go away and then within 1 minute come back. I'd say it almost lasted an hour but I've gotten so used to the discomfort these last 3 weeks that I pretty much hardly notice after 2 or 3 times. My bowels have definitely picked up in action since yesterday afternoon, all this morning I have been feeling the bowel cramping and having to go to the bathroom. They say that sometimes as labor draws close, the body will naturally start to make softer bowel movements to get it out faster and out of the way, I won't say whether mine have been soft or not, but they definitely have not been normal since yesterday.
   I am trying not to get my hopes up, I just figure that I have been eating a lot of fiber here lately so my bowels are extremely active right now. Yesterday's 38 week appointment Gina measured me at 37 centimeters, so basically a week behind schedule I guess you could say. She says a lot of women usually are, next appointment is next Wednesday and I am going to have her examine me to see if I have dilated at all. Cameron said last night that either he is coming in 3 days or in about 2 weeks, mom thinks he'll be here sometime next week probably a week early, I am honestly wondering if they were right the first time when they estimated me at April 21st before the ultrasound which showed him measuring to be due around April 12th.
   I am trying to take my mind off of it, I keep telling myself that he will come when he is ready, but the wait is killing me, the excitement is driving me crazy and the anticipation of what labor will feel like for me is making me a little nervous and curious.

38 Weeks and Entertaining Myself

    Doing some research on a blog site that facebook's Informed Moms to Be shared, I'm wondering if some of these strange movements all the way down south are actually contractions or "braxton hicks" contractions instead of junior doing his usual thing........... but I will never be sure as I don't go to the hospital and get all those strange tests done to me that helped on woman find out that she was having contractions and not the baby moving around but I am sure little Dorian is the one making all this movement and fuss, and I am just dealing with fool's hope. Gina is coming to my office for my appointment today, I am still going back and forth on whether to have her examine to see if I have dilated at all, and now that we are doing the appointment in my office I am not exactly comfortable with the idea of doing it now. We'll see what's going on when she gets here around 5:30.
    Cameron thinks it is hilarious and even though I am tempted to try sex to get this going, he no longer wants to because he keeps saying to let Dorian come when he is ready. I am a little annoyed with that, pregnancy has been fun and all but damn it I want to hold my baby, I want to play with him, I want to see what he looks like, I want to watch him grow, damn it!!!!! I will not be induce by medicine though, I will do whatever natural things I can do to stimulate this and get it going.

Tomorrow Marks 38 Weeks ....

   I am actually amazed that my patience has lasted this long, but now I am tired of it and want him out here with me. Last night Cameron and I almost got into a wrestling match but I had to remember that I have a belly with a baby, so the wrestling match didn't reach it's usual extent. I miss wrestling, I miss laying on my tummy (I really miss that one), I miss rollerblading, I miss mountain biking, I miss trail running, I really, truly miss working out my abdominal muscles dang it. I have everything ready for him, now he needs to get here so I can use this stuff and have him, I know the majority of the first few weeks will be mainly sleep, eat, poop/pee, but I don't care because that is just a part of the next chapter and I am ready go from this long chapter to the next one. I want to hold him, cuddle with him and watch him grow dang it!!!! I actually have a baby pool going on facebook right now, with people guessing when Dorian will arrive. It will make things interesting and less hard of a wait for me I think.
    Cameron and I are so used to playing and wrestling with each other, but this whole time I have had to keep reminding myself to be careful because of the belly and Dorian which is hard because I sometimes get over excited when wrestling and I want to get really rough. We also used to race for the bedroom at night, see who could get in there first but we've had to tone it down these last 2 months with concern of me tripping and falling. Pregnancy kind of sucks dang it, so many things I can do, I feel like a child again being told no lol.
       But seriously, if he isn't making much head way or out by Saturday, I going to go for a littl run/walk as that might help push things further dang it. Tomorrow I go in for my appointment and I am going to have Gina check and see if I am dilated at all, I am kind of nervous though as I'd hate to hear that I haven't dilated or anything at all.  

Maybe a Few More Days

   After talking to Stephanie, some if not all of my mucus plug came out yesterday so it might not be much longer. Usually when the mucus plug falls out, labor is only a few days away. Honestly I hope so, because I am ready for this to be done. If Dorian comes this week, that would give me 2 extra weeks to the 6 weeks of recovery I would have before Jumpstart begins if he is born on April 12th. What would be hilarious is if he is born next Monday on April Fool's Day, though my mom doesn't find that too funny lol. It would definitely be a date to remember.
   Plus, if he is born 2 weeks early he would be about 2 months when Jumpstart begins and much better off in the infant carseat stroller during runs than he would be at a little over a month old. I am excited, and a little nervous but more excited and over the nervous feeling now.

So Ready for This to be Over!!!

    God I don't know how much longer I can take of this pregnancy! I am sick of being a fat fucking cow, I am sick of not being able to work out like I used to, I am SO FUCKING SICK of just being fat and unattractive!!!! This is honestly becoming depressing again, I am so aggravated and my patience has ran it's course. I have everything now, everything I need but no baby yet and knowing my luck he won't come until his due date. I don't think I can handle 3 more weeks, I just cannot take this anymore. There was a time in my life that I feared labor and the pain, but now I look forward to it, I want it and anticipate it, I no longer fear it.
    I don't think there is a single person within a city's radius that understands what I am feeling or going through, mainly because the majority of women I know are selfish and don't hardly want much to do with their kids. Not to mention they don't mind being fat, or using it as an excuse to eat more and be even more lazier than they already are. I just don't know how much more I can take of this, I honestly feel myself hitting that suicidal point again. 

Why Are Men Such Assholes?

    Whether it's because I'm fat and pregnant, or just sick of hearing the shit over and over again from him, "god that chick was hot",  "man what an ass on her", etc...... as if I am just another guy he's talking to and his wife isn't around. All this bullshit and he seriously expects me to be completely okay with him going to skate world showing off around a bunch of good looking young chicks....? Are you fucking kidding me?
    Part of me wants to not give a fuck, but really a huge part of me just doesn't give a shit if he leaves me or cheats on me with one of them, if it happens there is nothing I can do about so why try to compete with the chicks he really wants and is attracted to? If he decides to make that move, then he's making that move whether I do anything or not.

In Between 37 and 38 Weeks

     So it is a Saturday and we're all just sitting around relaxing, baby Dorian is still inside and still seems to be comfortable in there. I know it is better if he waits until 40 weeks, but I'd be just as happy if he were to come out within the next week as I am ready to move on to the next chapter in this new book in my life. I am walking as much as possible, hiking on the weekends just trying to get him in position and get the labor going, I can feel the pressure and discomfort in my pelvis but no labor yet, which is kind of blah. I think a large part of me is just ready to know what it feels like, I am ready to know how I am going to handle the pain and how long the labor will take.
      Shauna should be getting my bassinet tonight, I really hope so as that is a very important thing that I really need and it would be very bad if Dorian comes before I have the bassinet. My next appointment is this Thursday, I am going to have Gina check and see if I have dilated or effaced at all.