Today's News

    Other than tonight's crappy news (Sammie and Tawny are headed here tonight), today's lesson was great. The new plan is one lesson a week (for now) on Saturdays, I worked on the trot more. I had Buzz trotting  the whole arena at some points and we circled the barrels and a cone a couple times (at a trot). I did great going counter-clockwise but then when Jill had me turn around and trot clockwise, I had a bit of difficulties. She told me if I need a horse fix anytime during the week, just message her on facebook and see if she is around the barn so I can come by and harass. Jill also told that when I am more experienced with riding, I will be able to lease Tater (have not met him yet) and ride him and many other things that I couldn't quite remember since I was concentrating on trotting Buzz around. Though I am feeling like Cameron's feelings about this are holding me back, I also feel another road might show itself to me soon. Right now these lessons and being around there is the closest thing to having my own horse, and I do not want to lose this opportunity now that it is finally in my grasp.

Bad new as Usual

     Last night I told my husband that Jill had invited me to stay after my Saturday lesson and watch her work the horses, even take photos. A few seconds later, he asked me how many lessons I was taking a week and told me no and that I should only take one a week. It is really aggravating, my plans and hopes were beginning to unfold, Jill had finally asked me to come by other than for lessons without me pushing it and I was/am hoping that after seeing my photos she will want to use my skills in maybe a trade or other horseowner friends will see my work and start asking. It is just irritating, Ethan gets paid every week now, doing something he likes to do. I am stuck in an office working as an secretary who has no respect from anyone because "I sit on my ass all day and do nothing", and I don't get shit for it. Not even a good job or how's it going or anything. I hate working in an office, I love physical labor, being out and lifting and pulling and just moving around. But I had decided to sacrifice that in order to help Cameron with the business even though I didn't know anything as to what I was doing in the first place (and still don't half the time). It just hurts and it is an insult to know that everyone thinks I love being in that office sitting on my ass all day, playing on a computer. And now I am told that I can only take one lesson a week????? Fuck that, I will do whatever I can to be around the horses and Jill and learn what I can, it is loke the only great thing I get out of this, the only upside of every week when being in that office blows ass.

Lonely but not quite Alone

     It would appear that you are the only thing listening to me, a blog that I write on. My everyday good/bad happenings logged on here because nobody else cares or wants to hear about them. I live in a house full of three other people and yet I might as well be alone here, I feel like such an idiot and a fool. For a second I almost thought my husband actually wanted to hear about what I had been doing, I feel like such an idiot to think that he would actually care about my interests or passions, I am such a stupid, stupid fool. I got excited in telling him about my lesson and how Jill agrees on pretty much the same things, only to be shot down because he was too busy and stressed out to hear any of it. Unfortunately that is always how it is, he never asks, never even pretends to hear me when I go on and on like a child about something I am excited or passionate about. I just need to grow up and stop believing that he is supposed to be somewhat interested in my individual life and activities......... I am especially glad that nobody reads my blogs, this kind of feels like a journal or online diary. From now on I am just going to remind myself not to bother talking about anything with him or anyone else, especially if they don't ask or want to hear it, the only one who has to tolerate me is you "blog", because you can not run away, close your ears or eyes from me. I am sorry if that sucks, but I need someone/something to dump all this into.

Another Day Thursday

Today's lesson was great, I had Buzz trot without Jill on the other end of a lead rope. I am getting more and more comfortable with riding and can't wait til the next ride. I am thinking about increasing it from two days a week to 3, just because I hate this waiting for two days in between. Today has been a very rainy day though, very dreary and depressing really, but not really bad at all. Tomorrow is Friday, hopefully we'll be going to Applebee's for Friday's lunch. This Saturday I think Jill said I could stay after my lesson and watch her work some horses and take photos. I am so excited, she is inviting me now other than just riding lessons.

So Many Good Things

I finished reading that wonderful book. I am so excited and can not wait til tomorrow night for my 3rd lesson. I have many more questions for Jill, and I hope she has read the book as well.

So Many Thoughts, So Many Questions

     Since yesterday when I drove past the shop, frustrated because again I had left for food (for everyone) and came back to see that my spot was taken. I decided on a whim that I'd go to the library and check out some books on horses, horse language and what not, I found myself blessed with Joe Camp's "The Soul of A Horse". I can not begin to explain the joy and satisfaction with reading this great book and knowledge, it is not only about horse language but the language and relationships that go on among a herd of horses. Everything people seem to believe is luxurious, great, safe and needed for their horse is completely wrong for these incredible creatures. I always suspected these things throughout my life, even with not owning a horse at all, I have always gone about believing that in order to have a true relationship with an animal, you must dive into their language, their world. This book has got me wanting more, every book and any kind of information I can find that is the truth, not some made up crap that helps vets and farriers and other people who make their money off crazy notions about how you must care for your beloved animal. At this moment, I am pretty sure that I will not have a barn for them, probably a run in shelter with three sides and maybe 3/4 of a 4th side where they can choose to go into for shelter. My horses will not wear horseshoes and their hooves will be trimmed when needed, I will do my best to create as natural an environment for these amazing creatures as I can while also building a bond with them and work on it everyday. I will make it my duty to care and nurture that bond before any ride or training, because I could only live without saddling and bridling a horse but maybe on the weekends if necessary, what matters more to me is just being around them, touching them, bonding and learning from them. I have learned so much just from this book and yet there is so much more to learn!

Today's Activities

      I was actually able to make it to the gym today, only did about 20 minutes of free weights after 18 minutes of walking 3.6 mph at an incline of 5%. I was feeling pretty sore so I went ahead and called it quits and went and took a shower. This week is going to be pretty busy and probably not too great even with my two horse riding lessons coming up Thursday and Saturday (might not even happen if what I expect does). I've been reading Joe Camp's "The Soul of A Horse" since yesterday afternoon and I can honestly say wow, everything I suspected but couldn't know for sure because I've never owned a horse, it is all true. I have a better idea of what I am going to do when the time comes to ready our land for horses and it will not involve a barn, maybe a tack shed and a run in shelter, but no barn.