Another Chapter to Begin

   I still feel as if a lot of this is nothing more than a dream, and someday I am going to end up  waking up and not be pregnant. I am excited, this is just another chapter of my life and so many new things are going to happen. At first I was worried that so many of my activities would be put on stand still or I would never get to experience them again, but the more I think about - I realize that this only means that I can show my baby all these wonderful things in life. I hear a lot of women act as if their life is completely over when they become pregnant, as if there is no future for them but to be a mother. That is so not the case for me, this almost feels like a heavy burden has lifted - I have been given a chance to raise a child up right with morals and kindness and strength..... family values. 


   Whether you are a Larissa Nicole or a (possibly) Dorian Vaughn, this is what I promise you:


   You will learn what I was taught, kindness and respect towards others (especially elders)         
   To never give up or give in to anyone else, to go against the current and find your own path in life. 
   You will grow up with a secure home/family and two loving parents who will do what's best and work together to give you what you need in life.
    I will take you everywhere and anywhere - whether it be outdoors or somewhere indoors.
    I will read to you every night before bed. Books are great tools for knowledge.
    Don't be afraid to ask me anything, I will do my best to explain.
    Don't worry if you get dirty or hurt - Or break something because I will show you all my scars and I have a whole lot of stories of my own you can hear.
    I have nothing to hide from you, and you should never feel the need to hide anything from me.
    You have your whole life ahead of you to find who you are - don't race to the end, and even though there is no guarantee when you will find it, I can guarantee you that there is no other road as exciting as your own. 

The Weather is Gorgeous!

    I have been waiting all summer for this beautiful weather, and I cannot believe it is finally here. I just hope it lasts for a month or so, because it would be a total bummer if I don't get out to some of these beautiful parks before winter hits. I really want to go this weekend after my race, so it might be Hemlock Cliffs or part of Hoosier National Forest, because I want to take Cameron along and that will be difficult enough to get him off his butt during the weekends.
    This Thursday I am going in for my first ultrasound, so I will know exactly where I am at on this because I am beginning to question the 8 weeks and think I might be a little further along. I have put a lot of thought in the Half Marathon this weekend, and I am going to go ahead with it even though Saturday's 9.6 mile run was just awful, that is only 4 miles away from 13.1 and I have come this far already so why the hell should I stop now if there isn't any risk in it?

Bad Run Ignites Questions

    Yesterday's long run was 9 miles, and it blew a$$. A warm front had come in, causing 7 a.m to be 87 degrees with high humidity and dew point. I walked a lot of what was supposed to be a run, my legs felt like led due to making the mistake of putting my legs through some strength training Wednesday morning - Team 13 picked a route where the parking lot had NO restrooms, and no restrooms along the route at all, so I ran 3 miles with a full bladder and bowels until Jamie and I went .30 miles off the route to a gas station. The run was miserable, I walked a lot of it with fear of miscarrying and if it wasn't for Jamie staying with me, I probably would have quite half way and went home.
    All this made me begin to question on whether or not I should keep training for the Half in October, since I am only 5 weeks away from it but it just seems like these long runs are getting more difficult. I had discussed this with my husband and he helped me overcome some of my fears, stating how amazed he is that I am still doing this and how much he wants me to do the Half, because quite a few women who find out they are pregnant immediately stop their running, even ones that have been running for years.  So after talking and thinking, I will take things slowly and I definitely won't expect to run all of the Half. But I am going to go through with it, I just hope this heat wave is over d*mn it.

Not Just Moody Hormones

     I might be pregnant and dealing with a few mood swings due to it, but I know that isn't the complete reason and that my irritation is valid with all this bullshit. Even pregnant, I am still expected to clean the fucking house by myself, along with the litter box, trash, do dishes and fix dinner and shit for everyone all while working at the shop doing various things there. I can feel myself getting ready to blow, and I have nobody to talk to because there is nobody that can help or fix any of it. 
     I cannot even go home early to clean the house and garage tonight, so I will have to stay home tomorrow morning instead of heading in with Ethan so that I can have an hour or so to clean this shit. I am sick and tired of Preston making the laundry room look like his closet just because he is too lazy to take his clothes up to his room and hang them up. I am about to start throwing all of it away and I don't care anymore.

Manic Monday/ Crazy!

    The wedding this weekend went great, I had a few minor misses but nothing major and had a lot of fun with it. My body is going through so many aches and pains right now, and it is actually annoying. Tonight's class was fun and interesting, I am finally a member of www.ivytechphotopeeps.com so that is great - except for this pain I am going through. It is 08-29 and my ultrasound is on September 8th which feels like forever right now and I am feeling extremely excited now, I do not know why but I just have this feeling that I am further along than we thought. Cameron thinks I am only around the 6 to 7 week mark, but I just got this feeling I am closer to ten weeks. Anyways, I am still in class and I cannot wait to get home because I want to sleep so badly - THANK GOD I don't have to work out in the morning since I am running in the evening. The river camp this past weekend  was great, and we are going this coming weekend and hopefully the pontoon boat will be ready because I want to get out on the water so bad before this year is up.

So Far All is Well

    So far I have been going through all the normal things, I guess. The slight cramping of the uterus stretching, the nausea and fatigue - but a lot of it has subsided so I am a little worried. I just called to "apply" for a doctor called Heather Schroeder so hopefully she will take me because I heard from a few others that she is really good.  I am nervous, still a little scared and anxious about all of this but 90% of it is the idea of losing this baby too- I do not know how I would handle it if history repeated itself again. Being almost a week since I finding out, I am getting used to the idea of waking up in the mornings knowing that I am pregnant and my life is going to change dramatically, but this child is mine and I am going to have fun raising him/her and teaching him/her the values and morals that my family has taught me. I am going to try my best to instill a bond between us that will hold up even when the child reaches adolescence which could be a HUGE challenge for me. Again, I don't have much to say but I am excited and anxious all in one so yeah things are a little hectic for me. My runs are going fine as are my work outs but it is only early in the first trimester so I can't wait to see how I feel a couple of months from now.

This Week Is Already Shit

   So this week already sucks, Cameron is pretty much blaming shit on me, and although I know a lot of it is my fault - problem is I am not getting paid. He expects me to work like a slave and give my 100% in here for nothing, while everyone else is benefiting from here - Ethan gets part of the business while getting paid weekly, Cameron gets whatever plus ownership of the company and Jared gets paid. I don't get shit unless I buy something behind his back. 
   This baby (zygote) is already being a pain in my ass, the cramping, the breast soreness and my back is sore. I am still feeling lethargic and I have a 4 mile run tonight so this should be just WONDERFUL! Oh lord why couldn't I feel like my Aunt did when she was pregnant, she actually enjoyed her pregnancies.